Running essentials, Shit Kit included. |
I quickly scanned the scene. There were too many homes and not enough cover. I thought about knocking on someone's door.
Skeptical home owner: "Can I help you?"
Me, soaked in sweat, out of breath: "Let me use your toilet, please!"
Home owner: "No. 2?"
Me, head down: "Yes."
Home owner: "Not a chance, buddy."
OK. Not gonna go there. Time was running out. With each step, my situation became more dire. "Shit!," I thought. And that's exactly what I did. Instinct took over. Behind some trees, just a few feet from the street, I took care of business. Relief!
I finished the run, minus a sock, constantly looking over my shoulder to see if I had been caught in the act. I was part ashamed and part worried I would be arrested for public defecation. But nothing happened, no consequences. Crisis averted.
Little did I know this scene would become a regular part of my life as a runner. My stomach is volatile. Certain foods + high mileage = disaster. Milk before a run? Bad choice, indeed, Ron Burgandy. Anything greasy? Too much sugar? Poop!
Several years and too many such experiences and I evolved. When in doubt, leave the house prepared. A plastic baggy and some toilet paper and you've got, as a former roommate informed me, a Shit Kit. Like a toilet in a Ziplock. It might not provide privacy or the comfort of your home bowl, but at least you can unload, clean up and move on.
Now, as a veteran Pooper on the Run, I usually anticipate when a storm is brewing in my stomach. I know where the restrooms are located. I adjust the route accordingly. Or I stop, squat behind a bush and call upon my Shit Kit to bail me out of a potentially messy situation. No more inhibitions. I'm as carefree as a dog.
Home owner: "No. 2?"
Me, head down: "Yes."
Home owner: "Not a chance, buddy."
OK. Not gonna go there. Time was running out. With each step, my situation became more dire. "Shit!," I thought. And that's exactly what I did. Instinct took over. Behind some trees, just a few feet from the street, I took care of business. Relief!
I finished the run, minus a sock, constantly looking over my shoulder to see if I had been caught in the act. I was part ashamed and part worried I would be arrested for public defecation. But nothing happened, no consequences. Crisis averted.
Little did I know this scene would become a regular part of my life as a runner. My stomach is volatile. Certain foods + high mileage = disaster. Milk before a run? Bad choice, indeed, Ron Burgandy. Anything greasy? Too much sugar? Poop!
Several years and too many such experiences and I evolved. When in doubt, leave the house prepared. A plastic baggy and some toilet paper and you've got, as a former roommate informed me, a Shit Kit. Like a toilet in a Ziplock. It might not provide privacy or the comfort of your home bowl, but at least you can unload, clean up and move on.
Haha, this is great. Thanks for the entertainment :)
ReplyDeleteThat was my 15k on Sunday!
ReplyDeleteTP stashed in my water bottle strap + knew where every port-o-potty was on the route just in case... Worst race EVER, but somewhere on that "Runner Cred" scoreboard in the sky, I earned bonus points for running anyway.
Wow! Now nice. What about the dreaded nugget that appears...well maybe we should just leave it at that and end this story!
ReplyDelete